Tennessee Tuxedo Can and Does Fail!

September 16th, 2009 - Megapolis - Late last night, Tennesse Tuxedo (pictured here with friend Chumley) was apprehended by authorities while trying to escape from Megapolis Prison. He was working in the prison kitchen and was able to get into a bag of trash where he hid for several hours. He was then put into a garbage truck, but before it left prison grounds he was discovered by a corrections officer doing a routine check.

In 1998, Mr. Tuxedo was sentenced to 35 years in prison for burglary, grand larceny, fencing stolen goods, and mayhem. According to Zan of the Wonder Twins, Tennessee Tuxedo was the mastermind of an elaborate crime ring that was involved in the theft of priceless cartoon memorabilia of the stars. Zan turned state's evidence and was sentenced to 5 years probation. When the crime ring was busted, Tennessee and his associates were in possession of many rare pieces of cartoon history including: Bugs Bunny's Golden Carrot Lifetime Achievement Award, Superman's original cape, Homer Simpson's Mr. Plow jacket, a collection of Mickey Mouse's first animated cartoon cels, one of Captain Caveman's original clubs, and several hunting caps belonging to Elmer Fudd. Perhaps the most despicable thing the police found was the tusks of his ex-partner Chumley the Walrus. The two starred in the hit show Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales from 1963 to 1966. This finding allowed the police to charge Mr. Tuxedo with mayhem and add several years to his sentence.

With this escape attempt, Tennessee will be getting some more prison time tacked onto his record. It looks like Mr. Tuxedo should have consulted with his old mentor Phineas J. Whooppee before trying this feeble escape.

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Trouble with the Pussycats

September 3, 2009 - Metropolis

If you have tickets for any of the upcoming Josie and the Pussycats reunion concerts, you better get in line for a refund. The bands agent, Alexander, has released a statement saying that the reunion tour has been cancelled due to internal conflicts within the band.

Sources close to the band say the conflict is partially due to the triangle love affair going on between Melody (drums), Valerie (tamborines), and Captain Caveman. All three have denied the rumors, but friends of the girls say the on again-off again affair has turned abusive again.

Paparazzi caught Melody leaving Captain Caveman's upscale apartment last month appearing to have a black eye. She was also yelling into her cell phone "...the hairy bastard hit me again..."

Captain Caveman and Valerie had a relationship in the late 70's and at one time were engaged to be married. The engagement was broken off after Valerie found out about a late night affair in the Mystery Machine between Melody and Captain Caveman. It is believed the Captain traded a box of Scooby Snacks to Norville "Shaggy" Rogers for the use of the van. After this affair, the Pussycats touring days were over.

Soon after the split, Valerie became involved with Tinker, the Speed Buggy mechanic. This relationship was short lived and Valerie began taking on a solo music career. She had a modest hit in the 80's with "The Captain Doesn't Fly Here Anymore" . Subsequent singles failed to chart and Valerie got involved with helping the homeless.

Melody and Captain Caveman had a tumultuous relationship over the years. Melody has also been plagued by an eating disorder, as well as being bi-polar. The Captain has long been rumored to have anger issues and has been arrested several times for assault and domestic abuse. He and Melody seem to have had a healthier relationship over the past 3 years. However, with the recent reunion tour kicking off, emotions from the past, between Valerie and Melody, resurfaced. Melody's insecurities led to accusations of an affair between Valerie and Caveman. These accusations enraged Valerie and has caused her to pull out of the reunion tour.

Alexander, their manager, says refunds will be issued if the tour can not be righted. He says he is hopeful Josie can talk to her band mates and come to some sort of resolution. Josie could not be reached for comment.

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News