Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ren Höek's Friends Fear For His Life

September 29th, 2009 - Hollywoodland - "Ren Höek is going to die!" These words were spoken by Ren's long time friend Stimpson "Stimpy" J. Cat when asked how dire the situation was. Ren has battled many addictions in his past, but the last year has been especially traumatic for the actor after becoming addicted to crystal meth. As you can see from the photograph snapped by paparazzi, the diminutive actor's physical appearance is quite shocking. Teeth rotting is one of the tell tale signs of chronic meth use. Close friends say that Ren is close to the point of being unreachable.
Ren Höek and Stimpy Cat hit the peak of their popularity in the early and mid 90's with the Ren and Stimpy Show. It first aired on Nickelodeon then on MTV. By the end of the 90's, their popularity was starting to wane. Stimpy admits that they both had their episodes with drugs, but they seem to always come away with few consequences. By the end of the shows run, Stimpy was clean and sober and Ren was still partying. This was the main reason the on screen chemistry fizzled, along with the shows ratings.
Stimpy went on to marry Arlene from Garfield fame and has had several children. Ren, on the other hand, tried to keep partying. However, after a short time he found himself in trouble. In 2000, he was arrested for urinating on a fire hydrant outside Moe's Tavern in Springfield. In 2002, he was arrested in Heathrow airport for carrying 3 grams of heroine and a concealed fire arm. In 2003, he and Elroy Jetson were in a Hollywoodland night club "extremely intoxicated" and refusing to leave. The police were called and the pair was arrested for public intoxication and possession of drug paraphernalia. Ren did sober up for a short time and got through his probation. However, as soon as his legal problems went away, he began using again. Friends say it has now progressed to him mainlining crystal meth up to 15 times a day.
Fred Flintstone, whose daughter Pebbles also had a crystal meth addiction, has tried to get Ren to enter a treatment center. So far, all help has been rejected by Mr. Höek. Mr. Flintstone said, "It's only a matter of time now...Ren will either die or get to the point where he'll accept our help. An addict has to want to be helped and until then we'll have to hope for the best...yabba, dabba, doo."

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Bumbling Genie Infected with H1N1 Flu

Sepetmber 22, 2009 - Hoolywoodland Hospital sources have confirmed that "D List" celebrity Babu has contracted the H1N1 flu virus, also known as the swine flu. Doctors, at Cedars-Sinai hospital in Beverly Hills, released a statement to the media this morning. In the statement, doctors said Babu came into the emergency room on Sunday evening complaining of flu like symptoms. He was given the screening for H1N1 and it came back positive. Babu was then admitted to the hospital.
Babu played the clumsy and portly genie on the early 70's television show Jeannie. The role left him type cast and he found it very hard to find serious work. He then made the rounds on several television games shows throughout the 70's and made quite a splash with his flamboyantly gay mannerisms. He had several relationships with other popular gay stars of the time including Mildew Wolf from the Laff-A-Lympics, Popeye, and Brainy Smurf.
Long time friend Snagglepuss went to visit Babu on Monday and said he was in good spirits but pretty weak. Babu did show some encouraging signs today with a comedic, light hearted moment. When the nurse brought him his lunch he said, "Yapple Dapple. You keep feeding me this and your gonna kill me." Which made the nurse and his visitors burst into laughter.
Mildew Wolf was asked to comment on his ex-lovers condition and he released the following statement: "I'm not totally shocked that Babu came down with this flu. He doesn't take very good care of himself. His diet consists entirely of beef wieners. And he doesn't eat well either...(insert Paul Lynde laugh)."
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Former TV Partners "Shoot It Out" Over Immigration

September 20th, 2009 - Hollywoodland Former television partners Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Looey butted heads this weekend at a Legal Immigrants rally. Quick Draw and Baba Looey portrayed old west crime fighters in the hit television show The Quick Draw McGraw Show.
This weekend, however, Baba Looey and Speedy Gonzales were guest speakers at a Legal Immigrants Association rally where several immigration laws, currently in the senate, were being promoted and discussed. The rally was about to wrap up, when Quick Draw and about 20 protesters marched into the middle of the rally. The protesters carried signs with anti-immigration slogans and were chanting, "Listen to our orders, close those borders!".
The presence of the protesters made the peaceful rally turn tense. Baba Looey tried to calm the crowd down by announcing, "I theens wat meester Queek Draw meens...". However Quick Draw promptly grabbed the microphone and said, "I'll do the thinnin' round here! You emmiiigrants arrr mussin' up arrr cuntry!" Witnesses say that Quick Draw and his protesters would not relinquish control of the PA system after that. The Legal Immigrants Association decided to end the rally before any violence broke out. Baba Looey did have some words for Quick Draw before leaving, but they can not be reported in this column. Speedy Gonzales simply said to the group, "Ándale, Ándale! Árriba, Árriba! Leet's take our peeceful deemonstration to dee streets." With that, the immigrants gathered and marched away.
It was no secret, in celebrity circles, that Quick Draw and Baba Looey were not fond of each other; even during the time of their hit show. It is now obvious that their opposing political views had something to do with that.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Saturday, September 19, 2009

"Simpsons" Star Caught Drunk Behind the Wheel

September 19th, 2009 - Springfield Early this morning, Springfield Police arrested Lenny Leonard for driving while intoxicated. Police said his BMW was drifting over the center line for several blocks and he was pulled over. As they approached the vehicle, the smell of alcohol was overwhelming. Leonard was slurring his words and fumbled his wallet searching for his drivers license. The police then asked him to step out of the vehicle. As he was exiting the car, his foot got tangled in the seat belt and Mr. Leonard fell to the street. At this point, police also asked for Mr. Leonards passenger to exit the vehicle.
Paparazzi at the scene photographed Lois Griffin coming out of the front passenger seat with very little clothing on (see photo). Police say she too seemed very intoxicated and could hardly stand. Witnesses say that Mrs. Griffin kept crying out, "Please don't tell Peter!" Referring to her Family Guy costar Peter Griffin (no relation). The two did date during the initial run of the show, but have not been romantically linked in several years. Mr. Leonard is engaged to Daria Morgendorffer. At least they were engaged until this episode transpired.
Lenny Leonard was given a field sobriety test, which he failed miserably. A breathalyzer was then given and Mr. Leonard was found to be 3x the legal limit. He was arrested and his car was impounded. Lois Griffin was given a ride to the police station where she could call for a ride home. Paparazzi indicated that a visibly disgusted Freddie Jones came to the police station to get Lois Griffin. The two have been long time pals having both attended Van Nuys High Scool.
Witnesses also said that while Mr. Leonard was being unloaded from the police car, he was belligerent and began shouting racial epithets at the arresting officers.
This story will be updated after Mr. Leonard is officially charged.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Igloo of the Herculoids - September 16th, 2009 - One of the most beloved characters of the super group known as The Herculoids has died. The giant rock ape has lost his battle with lung cancer. Those nearest Igloo say he passed away peacefully at his home in Metropolis on Monday morning. He was surrounded by friends and family.
Igloo gained early fame in 1967 on the television show The Herculoids. He portrayed the big hearted and nearly invincible super hero on the series. He also displayed those character traits in real life and has been described by his friends as someone who was always there for advice and for helping others. After his series went off the air in 1969, he and Wally Gator (who also had a successful show around that time) founded a group that fought for the observance of the 2nd amendment. Their group, The Crusaders for the Right to Bear Arms, still has a large membership and Igloo was involved up until his death. Ironically, Wally Gator has accidentally shot himself over 40 times, but still fights for his right to do so.
Igloo was laid to rest this afternoon. All of The Herculoids were present. Gloop and Gleep turned themselves into a beautiful arrangement of gooey, flower-like masses. Zuk and Tundro both shot fire and rocks into the sky as Igloo was being lowered into his final resting place. Zandor and Tarra gave emotion filled eulogies to honor their friend. Other celebrities present were Wally Gator (on crutches from recently shooting himself in the foot), Jonny Quest, Space Ghost, Brak, Beavis, and Bart Simpson.

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Tennessee Tuxedo Can and Does Fail!

September 16th, 2009 - Megapolis - Late last night, Tennesse Tuxedo (pictured here with friend Chumley) was apprehended by authorities while trying to escape from Megapolis Prison. He was working in the prison kitchen and was able to get into a bag of trash where he hid for several hours. He was then put into a garbage truck, but before it left prison grounds he was discovered by a corrections officer doing a routine check.
In 1998, Mr. Tuxedo was sentenced to 35 years in prison for burglary, grand larceny, fencing stolen goods, and mayhem. According to Zan of the Wonder Twins, Tennessee Tuxedo was the mastermind of an elaborate crime ring that was involved in the theft of priceless cartoon memorabilia of the stars. Zan turned state's evidence and was sentenced to 5 years probation. When the crime ring was busted, Tennessee and his associates were in possession of many rare pieces of cartoon history including: Bugs Bunny's Golden Carrot Lifetime Achievement Award, Superman's original cape, Homer Simpson's Mr. Plow jacket, a collection of Mickey Mouse's first animated cartoon cels, one of Captain Caveman's original clubs, and several hunting caps belonging to Elmer Fudd. Perhaps the most despicable thing the police found was the tusks of his ex-partner Chumley the Walrus. The two starred in the hit show Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales from 1963 to 1966. This finding allowed the police to charge Mr. Tuxedo with mayhem and add several years to his sentence.
With this escape attempt, Tennessee will be getting some more prison time tacked onto his record. It looks like Mr. Tuxedo should have consulted with his old mentor Phineas J. Whooppee before trying this feeble escape.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Meg Griffin and Frylock Getting Cozy

September 13th, 2009 - Quahog The latest development in celebrity dating seems to be Meg Griffin and Frylock. Both of these celebrities are at the top of their fame game and have been linked as an item by several members of the media. The pair decided to make it official last week when they attended the Writers Guild Awards in Hollywoodland.
Meg, of course, is on the hit FOX show Family Guy and Frylock is one of the stars of Cartoon Networks Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Neither is a stranger to the celebrity dating scene. Unlike her character, who plays an unpopular teenager on Family Guy, Meg has been linked to several celebrity hunks including: Kevin Ethan Levin (Ben 10: Alien Force), Carl Carlson (The Simpsons), and Bamm-Bamm Rubble (Flintstones). When asked about these previous relationships Meg told us, "Oh my god! These were all fun but not serious. I am just having fun right now."

Frylock has also had a few celebrity relationships. He dated Jem on and off for about 5 years and was also involved with Strawberry Shortcake. Neither Meg nor Frylock would make a comment on their new relationship. Spokespersons for each, simply said they were close friends who were spending time together.

One of Frylock's closet friends, Early Cuyler of The Squibillies, had this to say: "That ol' boy ain't never gonna settle down. He just grabbin' the nearest, freshest cupcake off 'da shelf and when she get ta be day old, he get'em another un." With those sentimental words of encouragement, I don't see how these two can miss.

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Friday, September 11, 2009

Rocky and Bullwinkle Reunion Movie Grounded

September 11th, 2009 - Frostbite Falls, MN
The eagerly anticipated Rocky and Bullwinkle Stage Follies has hit a road block. Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose reunited about 6 months ago and assembled most of the original cast into a stage revue of their old show.
According to those working on the stage production, rehearsals had been going really well and everyone in the cast was getting along. In fact, everything was going so well that the opening date was moved up several weeks. The show was going to premiere in Frostbite Falls, MN, where the comedy duo was formed, on September 19th. That date has been postponed for the moment. However, paparazzi caught Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale catching a red eye flight back to Russia early Friday morning. This may foreshadow a longer postponement. At least, longer than the producers of the show are giving now.
The trouble started last week during the rehearsal of a Dudley Do-Right segment. The rehearsal was going well when trouble erupted off-stage. Apparently an argument started between Rocky and Bullwinkle and progressed rather quickly. The two had too be broken up by Mr. Peadbody and Sherman.
Witnesses overheard Rocky making comments about how well Nell Fenwick looked. Bullwinkle, who once dated Nell and had jealousy issues over her, did not like the comment. The two had some words before they began pushing each other. They were broken up before any punches were thrown. After being separated, Bullwinkle yelled at Rocky, "Hey Rocky, watch me punch you're f***ing teeth down the back of your throat." Rocky replied, "Somebody get that psycho out of here and calm him the F**k down."
Bullwinkle then announced that he didn't need this and walked out. Nell, who had been informed of what transpired, ran out after him.
Rocky then exclaimed, "Well, now at least I can say with a straight face to the audience...and now here's something I think you'll really like!" His attempt at levity was not received well by the other cast members and Rocky later apologized. However, the damage was apparently done and as of this report, Bullwinkle was not back on stage.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Dumb Donald Proves Not So Dumb Afterall

September 10th, 2009 - Gotham City-     A celebrity chess tournament was held over the Labor Day weekend at the Gotham City Chess Club.  Proceeds going to the victims of last years tragic Gotham City Apartments attack carried out by the Legion of Doom.  The attack left 1100 people homeless.  The tournament brought out current celebrities as well as those from the past.  Some of today's current celebrities included Mr. Garrison from South Park, Spongebob Squarepants, Captain Knuckles, Brian Griffin, Ned Flanders, and Hank Hill.  
One of the more surprising entries into the tournament was Dumb Donald from the Fat Albert Show.  He has been out of the public eye for some time, but the charitable cause of the tournament was close to his heart.  His mother was one of the people left homeless in the attacks.  Donald's tournament run started off fairly easy for him.  He defeated Aquaman, Apache Chief, Droopy, and Huckleberry Hound in very fast time.  He then came upon a tournament favorite, Velma Dinkley.  Their match lasted nearly two hours before Donald was finally able to put Velma's queen in checkmate.
The final match pitted Donald against the tournament favorite, Papa Smurf.  During the middlegame, Donald played a brilliant zwischenzug which put Papa Smurf at a huge disadvantage that he was not able to overcome.  Dumb Donald won the match in just over 40 minutes.  Donald dedicated the match to his mother and the other victims of the attack.  Donald also thanked Mush Mouth for teaching how to play chess while they were on the set of the Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids show.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Yosemite Sam "Raises Hare" on PETA's Neck

September 8th, 2009    Yosemite Sam has raised the attention of PETA recently.  According to a PETA spokesperson, over the past 5 years, Sam has been breeding and raising animals for the sole purpose of organized hunting.  Yosemite Sam owns approximately 100 acres in Carlsbad, CA.  Here he has set up breeding barns for rabbits, deer, elk, bears, and turkeys...to name a few.  Outside of these barns are large 20 acre enclosures that he releases the animals into.  Once in there, the animals are hunted by paying hunters, who want to hunt with the legendary guns man.  The animals have no chance of escape and are rumored to sometimes be tortured by Sam and the hunters.  These accusations came as no surprise to acquaintances of Yosemite Sam.  One of his oldest friends, Foghorn Leghorn, said this when asked to comment on the rumors.  "I say, Sammy is a decent man...decent I say.  But meaner than a corn snake in hot coals...pay attention boy I'm tellin' ya somethin' here.  He didn't like the way that rabbit done him in the pictures and he's held onto that grudge...I say he's held onto it real tight!"
Mr. Leghorn was, of course, referring to the beloved short films starring Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny.  The two had quite a fictional feud going and were making big money films together.  However, Sam thought that his star was as bright as Bugs Bunny's.  Hanna Barbera did not agree and when Sam asked for equal billing and equal pay his contract was not renewed.  Adding insult to injury, the last contractual films Sam did made him look more backward and inept than previous films.  Insiders say this was done on purpose by the writers, but Sam believed Bugs Bunny was behind it.  Either way, Sam's star fell while Bugs Bunny soared on to unimaginable fame. 
Yosemite Sam retired from film and moved to Carlsbad, CA in the early 80's and has been running the Yosemite Sam's Rootin'ist Tootin'ist Hunting Camp West of the Pecos for the past 15years.  Only in the last 6 months have allegations surfaced about the inhumane treatment of the animals.  As more details surface, it will be clear if PETA is picking on Yosemite Sam because of his celebrity or does he have a deep seeded hatred of all animals going back to his days with Bugs Bunny.  After several failed attempts to reach Sam for a comment, he was finally willing to release a brief statement.  "I hates rabbits.  They is nothing but long eared galoots and carrot eatin' idgets, but I ain't never tortured no varmits..." 
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News 

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Weekly Cartoon News Bites

Wile E. Coyote has finally settled his $5 million dollar lawsuit with the ACME company for gross product negligence. Coyote released the following statement to the media after the ruling was made.
"I'm happy with the courts ruling. It won't compensate me for all of the injuries I have sustained throughout the years, but it will help. I hope others, who have been harmed by large companies, will have the courage to come forward and make a stand."
When asked why a self proclaimed super genius continued buying the ACME products, even after near death mishaps, the Coyote annoyingly quipped "No comment!"

Former child star Scrappy Cornelius Paul Campbell Doo re-entered a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in Santa Monica on September 4th. Sources close to the Doo family say that Scrappy relapsed early this year after his mother Ruby Doo passed away and that he was out of control. Sources also say that an intervention was held at Freddie Jones' house and that all of Scrappy Doo's friends and family were there to encourage him to get help. This is Scrappy's third time in rehab, but the only time that it was not court ordered. Paparazzi snapped photos of Scooby Doo, Scooby Dum, and Norville "Shaggy" Rogers coming out of the rehab center after a Sunday family visitation.

With the support of his Neptunes band mates (Biff, Shelly, Bubbles, and Clamhead), Jabberjaw has come clean about his music career. "The drum tracks on The Neptunes albums were not mine. They were done by a studio drummer and I merely pretended to be playing."
The Neptunes released 3 albums during their short lived television career. While the show was more about light hearted case solving, the music did add an enticing element to the show. Jabberjaw was already set to play the lead, when the idea of making the characters part of a band was added by the shows executive producer. Even though Jabberjaw was willing to learn to play the drums for the show, the absence of fingers and opposable thumbs made it impossible. For the shows music montages, the drumsticks were heavily taped to Jabberjaw's fins and he would mimic the drummer's movements.
The Jabberjaw incident was not a secret to the television industry. However, he was given credit for playing the drums in the bands music catalog and was paid the royalties. Jabberjaw was told to not speak out about the secret and that the real drummer was being compensated. Years later, Jabberjaw found out that was not the case and has had real remorse about the secret. That is why he decided to go public with an apology and give the real drummer, Neil Peart, his long deserved credit.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Simpson, Griffin, and Gumble Arrested

September 5, 2009 -Springfield
A minor raucous broke out at Springfield community park on Friday evening. According to witnesses, three men staggered through the park around 6:30 PM demanding to know where the Night Ranger concert was. The men were later identified as Homer J Simpson and Barney Gumble (both from Springfield) and Peter Grifin of Quahog. The men appeared to be intoxicated. After being told the concert was in fact on the other side of town, the three men became verbally abusive to the other park goers.
As the men grew louder, a group of motorcyclists rolled over to see what the noise was about. The group was actually Chopper, Revs, Hi-Riser, and Scrambles, from Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch fame. Chopper and Revs approached Homer to determine what the problem was. Homer demanded that the Chopper Bunch sing Sister Christan. Chopper tried in vain to explain that they were not Night Ranger, but Simpson kept insisting they sing the song. Rev tried to talk to Griffin, but Griffin kept mumbling "...I'll show you Giant Chicken...!". Witnesses say Scrambles appeared annoyed that the other members of the Chopper Bunch got involved because he just kept repeating "i told'ja, i told'ja...".
Police arrived before any real violence broke out and Simpson, Griffin, and Gumble were all arrested for public intoxication. While the three were handcuffed and waiting for the paddy wagon to arrive, witnesses say Nelson Muntz rode by on his bike and exclaimed "HA HA!" It is then believed that Simpson muttered sadly to himself, "D'OH...". However, this could not be confirmed by any of the witnesses.
As of the time of this writing, the three remained in jail.
Dr Gorgeous weekly Cartoon News

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Hong Kong Phooey Retires

September 4, 2009 - Hollywoodland
After serving 35 years as the "real life" janitor of Hoolywoodland's sheriff's station, Penrod "Penry" Pooch will officially retire. Pooch had a brief run in 1974-75 as the unremarkable, would-be super hero Hong Kong Phooey. After the Kung Fu phase left the American scene, Hong Kong Phooey (along with Carl Douglas) was cast aside. When asked if he was bitter about his short lived fame, Penry replied "Man, are you kiddin'? Do you know how much *** I got from that gig?"
Penry Pooch is going to live a life of leisure and occassionly do autograph shows with other fellow small timers such as: Babu, Dirk Dastardly, Muttley, and the Snorks. According to the autograph show organizer, The Green Arrow, there is still quite a fan base for these short lived characters from the 70's. He hopes to add a few more names to the stable before announcing show dates, but says "...with Hong Kong Phooey on board, it's a sure thing..."
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News

Trouble with the Pussycats

September 3, 2009 - Metropolis
If you have tickets for any of the upcoming Josie and the Pussycats reunion concerts, you better get in line for a refund. The bands agent, Alexander, has released a statement saying that the reunion tour has been cancelled due to internal conflicts within the band.
Sources close to the band say the conflict is partially due to the triangle love affair going on between Melody (drums), Valerie (tamborines), and Captain Caveman. All three have denied the rumors, but friends of the girls say the on again-off again affair has turned abusive again.
Paparazzi caught Melody leaving Captain Caveman's upscale apartment last month appearing to have a black eye. She was also yelling into her cell phone "...the hairy bastard hit me again..."
Captain Caveman and Valerie had a relationship in the late 70's and at one time were engaged to be married. The engagement was broken off after Valerie found out about a late night affair in the Mystery Machine between Melody and Captain Caveman. It is believed the Captain traded a box of Scooby Snacks to Norville "Shaggy" Rogers for the use of the van. After this affair, the Pussycats touring days were over.
Soon after the split, Valerie became involved with Tinker, the Speed Buggy mechanic. This relationship was short lived and Valerie began taking on a solo music career. She had a modest hit in the 80's with "The Captain Doesn't Fly Here Anymore" . Subsequent singles failed to chart and Valerie got involved with helping the homeless.
Melody and Captain Caveman had a tumultuous relationship over the years. Melody has also been plagued by an eating disorder, as well as being bi-polar. The Captain has long been rumored to have anger issues and has been arrested several times for assault and domestic abuse. He and Melody seem to have had a healthier relationship over the past 3 years. However, with the recent reunion tour kicking off, emotions from the past, between Valerie and Melody, resurfaced. Melody's insecurities led to accusations of an affair between Valerie and Caveman. These accusations enraged Valerie and has caused her to pull out of the reunion tour.
Alexander, their manager, says refunds will be issued if the tour can not be righted. He says he is hopeful Josie can talk to her band mates and come to some sort of resolution. Josie could not be reached for comment.
Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News


Kenny McCormick, 10, South Park, Colorado
Kenny McCormick died yesterday afternoon after entering a room full of starving rats. The rats were being starved by Kenny's close friend Eric Cartman. Apparently, Eric was going to release the rats in his mom's bedroom one night after she refused to buy anymore Cheesy-Poofs. Unfortunately, Kenny became the victim of Eric's vengance.
Those closest to Kenny said his friends Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh were deeply saddend by his passing. In fact, when told about his death they exclaimed "Oh my god, Eric killed Kenny! You bastard!"
Kenny is survived by his parents Stuart and Carol, as well as, an older brother Kevin. Due to the McCormick family being extremely poor, a ceremony will not be held in Kenny's honor.

Troubled Hero Sinks Deeper

September 3, 2009-Eternia

Shocking news from Castle Grayskull is being released this morning. Man-at-Arms described to reporters a disturbing scene he came across while checking the dungeons last night.
"I just couldn't believe my eyes!" he exclaimed to the media . According to Man-at-Arms , he checked a secluded dungeon cell last night around 1:00 AM, after hearing strange noises. In the cell he found He-Man and his sworn enemy Skeletor, among others, in a drunken, nude orgy.
"I knew He-Man was using again, but I don't think any of us knew how far he had fallen..." said Teela, Captain of the Royal Guard.
He-Man, aka Prince Adam, has had a long history of substance abuse. Recently, it was thought that the Prince was on the path to recovery. His mother and father, King Randor and Queen Marlena, did not release a statement to the media about this incident. Their spokesman said "They were deeply concerned about their son."
One of the other alleged participants in last nights debauchery, Gargamel, blew off the incident by saying "So your big hero is a drunken fairy...get over it."
Hopefully, He-Man will get the help he needs and "By the power of Grayskull" get his life back on track and once again protect Eternia.
One of He-man's closest friends, Snagglepuss, summed it up best when he said "Heavens to Murgatroyd! Exit stage left even..."
Heavens to Murgatroyd indeed.

Dr Gorgeous Weekly Cartoon News